Mining Your Metaphors

Change the metaphor, change the self.

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Compliments: The Other Side of the Judgment Coin

December 4, 2016

If you participate in a personal growth group or run one yourself, you probably have no problem with a common rule that no one criticizes participants as they share their experiences or feelings. Consider adding the rule that no compliments be paid either, for they are merely the other side of the same coin. Compliments and criticisms are both forms of judgment, and they can put pressure on the recipient to please others, whether it is to earn praise or avoid criticism.

It’s a remarkable experience to be in a group that suspends both criticisms and compliments. When listeners just witness, speakers begin to follow suit; they ease off judging themselves. Without external or internal judgment, they become more open to whatever lies within.

Compliments can backfire in another way. They can trigger a receiver to argue the case as to why the compliment is not true, aloud or internally. “It’s true I did that [good deed], but he doesn’t know I resented it.” “But I spoke nastily about her behind her back.” “Actually, I could have tried harder.” “She doesn’t know about this other thing I did.” And so on. The possibilities are endless. Instead of feeding self-esteem, compliments can reinforce self-condemnation.

Even “I” statements (meaning speakers refer only to themselves rather than to the one who has finished speaking), imply a judgment.  A person unsure of him/herself can easily interpret the comment as suggesting, “You should have handled it/responded my way.” “I” statements at their worst cast doubt and self-rebuke; at best, they pull the attention to “I” and distract the original speaker from processing his /her own experience.

Now, I’m not trying to suggest there is no place for compliments in this world! Only that, in a personal growth group setting where expectations and rules are clearly stated, it can be both freeing and healing to suspend judgment of any kind, to listen, and, if you’re going to make a comment, make it a clean one. Using Clean Language is one way to assure that you are not using judgmental language. Asking simple questions and repeating the sharer’s exact words, you add no content that s/he has not already acknowledged. You offer no interpretations, no comparisons. You keep the sharer’s focus on what s/he has just presented, allowing him/her the time and space to process what has emerged.

If you facilitate or participate in a counseling or growth group, try doing without criticisms and compliments. Both are un-clean. Both are forms of judgment. Positive or negative, they still encourage the sharer to take someone else’s opinion into account, consciously or subconsciously.

I suggest an appropriate response to someone who has spoken about himself or herself is to ask a question that invites further self-exploration such as, “And is there anything else you know about that?” or “And what difference does knowing that make?”

Or simply say, “Thank you for sharing.”


Filed Under: Coaching, Counseling, Power of Words, Subconscious Messages, TherapyTagged: assumptions, change work, Clean Language, listening skills, subconscious

Metaphors Conceal and Reveal–including Halloween Archetypes

October 24, 2009

Halloween is fast approaching here in the U.S.  Come All Hallow’s Eve, the streets will be filled with little witches,  ghosts, hobos, superheroes, and serial killers. For grown-ups who still relish society’s permission to go extreme and get creative one night a year, there’ll be parties full of prostitutes and politicians, with an occassional rock star and nun thrown in. So what is it that attracts us to the costumes we pick, these archetypical metaphors?

You may claim your choice of a costume is based on what’s in the back of your closet or what you just thought would get the biggest laugh or win the prize for best costume at the party, but undoubtedly, your outfit reveals more about you than you might be consciously aware of. Does your costume display your deepest fantasy? Your secret desire to mock those with different opinions? Your attitude towards authority? Your attempt to overcome your childhood fears? Does it show your naughty side, your rebellious self, your wish for innocence  and simplicity?

Answer such questions, and you’d start to sound like an analyst of old–congitively dissecting associations made with typical costumes, assuming you’d selected yours for typical reasons. Why not instead take the playful, creative approach Halloween invites, and ask some Clean Language questions about the costume you’ll wear?  “And what kind of witch is that witch?”  “And when you’re a princess, then what happens?”  “And when you’re a slice of pepperoni pizza, is there anything else about pepperoni?”  (Don’t have a costume? Draw a picture of what you’d be and ask questions about it.) Archetypes, by definition, have broad, cultural attributes, but your sense of that metaphor will have unique personal resonances as well.

Halloween invites us all to conceal and reveal our true selves. Be playful about exploring your true self….and let us know what you choose to be for Halloween!


Filed Under: Art as Metaphor, metaphors, Subconscious MessagesTagged: archetypes, assumptions, Clean Language, Clean Language activity, creative expression, holidays, masks, people as systems, subconscious

Doctor, Are You Listening?

October 16, 2009

I read an article today that suggests a specific and interesting application of Clean Language skills entitled “Diagnosis: What Doctors Are Missing’,  by Jerome Groopman. He describes the prevalence today of doctors diagnosing and determining treatments based on test results—lots of them—rather than on interviewing the actual patient.

Groopman says,”The most seasoned clinicians teach that the patient tells you his diagnosis if only you know how to listen. The clinical history, beyond all other aspects of information gathering, hold the most clues. And it is this part of medicine–the patient’s narrative, the onset and tempo of the illness, the factors that exacerbated the symptoms and those that ameliorated them, the foods the patient ate, the clothes he wore, the people he worked with, the trips he took, the myriad of other events that occurred before, during, and after the malady–that are as vital as any DNA analysis or MRI investigation.”                                           New York Times Book Review, Nov. 5, 2009, Vol. LVI, No. 17

Groopman quotes research that concluded that misdiagnoses often occur because of false assumptions the doctors made that set them on the wrong track. And once they were on it, they were no longer as attentive to other possibilities.

“We most need a discerning doctor when a diagnosis is not obvious, when the clues are confusing, when initial test are inconclusive. No simple technology can serve as a surrogate for the probing human mind.”

And a probing mind is well-served by learning Clean Language—a questioning process that uses primarily the patient’s exact words and keeps the facilitator’s  (in this case the doctor’s) assumptions to a minimum. When a doctor learns to repeat a patient’s exact words, s/he learns to listen with precision, and will notice things that others readily miss. S/he’ll be surprised to learn how much knowing there is in a patient’s word choice, often just below the patient’s conscious awareness.  The Clean Language process zooms attention in on details and zooms attention out to the larger context; new information can emerge very quickly. Clean Language can be used to explore and clarify, to sequence events or symptoms, and to explore what’s important to the patient, both in terms of treatment and life style issues, to name but a few uses.

Of course, they aren’t the only questions or approach a doctor might use, but learning to listen this way, training to recognize one’s assumptions, and developing a way to engage with a patient that makes the patient feel truly heard and respected, while eliciting meaningful information, are skills that could enhance the doctor/patient relationship and the effectiveness of any doctor.

Visit my website to learn more about Clean Language http://www.miningyourmetaphors.com/ . Want to learn Clean Language? Contact me at gina@miningyourmetaphors.com for more information.


Filed Under: Mind/body, Power of Words, Subconscious MessagesTagged: assumptions, Clean Language, listening skills, medical applications

How Do Horseshoes and Clean Language Differ?

September 4, 2009

At our last summer hurrah at the beach, our family was playing horseshoes, and it got me thinking.  In horseshoes, close just may be good enough. But, as a coach, counselor or therapist, when you use Clean Language and asking questions about your clients’ statements, you have to use their exact words.

Why isn’t close-but-not-exact good enough?

Try this. Take a piece of paper, and list the numbers 1-10. Consider the word ‘green.’ Write down the first ten things that come to mind related to ‘green.’  Then, without sharing your answers, ask a few other people to do the same. Now, compare lists.

Chances are you may have several words that are the same and then a few more that are only on your list but it’s logical to everyone why they made your list.  And then perhaps there are one or two words that leave your friends scratching their heads: why would that have anything to do with ‘green?  Maybe the word ‘grandmother’ because green was your grandmother’s favorite color, or ‘icing’ because someone once made you a funny birthday cake with green icing. The association is unique to you.

And that’s why close is not good enough when you’re repeating your clients’ words. Because every word, consciously or subconsciously, has its own resonance and associations for the speaker. Change it, and you lose the information that word ‘contains’….and you suggest to your client you didn’t really hear him/her.

Share your story here on the blog of a unique association you have with a word or respond to someone else’s word-story with your association.

And the next time someone uses the word “green”, you might want to use a Clean Language question, and ask, “Is there anything else about green?”


Filed Under: Coaching, Counseling, metaphors, Power of Words, Subconscious Messages, TherapyTagged: Clean Language, Clean Language activity

Welcome to Metaphorum!

May 5, 2008

Welcome to Metaphorum, my blog!  Here you’ll find thoughts and theories about metaphors, Clean Language, suggestions for applications of the technique,  articles, quotes, poems and more. I hope you’ll find them stimulating.

Whether you’re a client exploring the possibilities of Clean Language, a professional counselor, therapist or coach considering adding these tools to your tool box, or someone already familiar with them who’s ever curious about the ways transforming metaphors can transform life, welcome.

Add your voice to our community!

Gina Campbell


Filed Under: metaphors, UncategorizedTagged: Clean Language, symbolic modeling

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